The other day at nameless retail store, with endless amounts
of leggings and work-out tops, one of my costumers gushed and gawked over me
after I explained to them I was a dancer. “You must be so talented and lucky to do something you
love!” As she reached for my hand she continued, “Gosh, I am 30 and I am still
wishing that I had passion for my occupation.” I smiled and nodded in agreement
of my fortune.
She went on to tell me to “never give up” and to “keep pushing for my dream,” and after she left the store I was left with nothing but emptiness. I started to think about what I was doing with my life and if I was so passionate how come my passion hadn’t become my occupation. After selling yoga and swim wear for hours I left the store with a cloud over my head. The worry of being 20 something and not yet storming the dance world with skills as an artist flooded my mind. That woman I helped out was 30 and already the CEO of her company meanwhile I was 20 something, selling her yoga pants and I was the lucky one? In self-pity that night I found myself popping back Resee's Peanut Butter Cups and looking through the archives of my life on Facebook. “I had so much going for me in my good old days,” I muttered to myself before passing out in a sugar coma.
Fast-forwarding to the present, this story still seems to
loom in the depths of my mind. No matter how happy I try to be the thought
of not actually doing what I want hangs in front of me like a wet rag with the
worst odor. This morning I ran across this TED talk by Meg Jay about
being 20 something. She spoke of the age and how our
brain gets rewired in this time period for adulthood. Being in this
confusing place was part of growing up, an “emerging adulthood” time period in
our lives. In our 20's our brain is still
trying to figure out who we are and we are still building bridges between
various brain regions. Knowing that I am
still not done growing mentally gave me a sense of relief for a minute, but
only for a minute. I was then set into a panic thinking about the career of a
dancer. I have less time then the overall population! My body can only perform
to its maximum for a set time. How does one mature themselves faster then their
mental capacity while struggling to be everything they aim to be and to
make ends meet?!
I have been so focused on passion and dedication in the dance field and not only that but how to
overcome this 20-something blues and be the maximum artist I can be!
It’s an overwhelming life. This sense of uncertainty and
consistent search for more than what I have is exhausting and often feels
hopeless. Maybe something lives in this age of being 20 something that is
good for me. What if it is turned upside down?
And this time of uncertainty I can fill with risk. Surrounding myself with
people that inspire me and portraying myself as the person I want to be rather
than who I believe I am.
Each day will undoubtedly be a battle
but maybe that lady from my store was right. It is a battle I am willing to
fight because somewhere I know its worth fighting, and for those days that
everything seems hopeless, well...
I am just 20 something after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment